Yeah, I'm starting to try out some Morford-esque headlines for my posts, especially when I'm drawing my material from the good man himself.
Today's Morning Fix details a new and amazingly stupid craze.
But then he also brings it back to all of the other really stupid people are legitimately doing to their bodies in the name of beauty. Botox, collagen injections, liposuction and all those lovely things that people do instead of getting off their fat smelly asses and exercising and taking better care of themselves.
No, the new craze? Having your tongue sliced down the middle a little ways so that you can have a forked tongue. Why? Who fuckin' knows but people are doing it. No really, check out the pic below.
And maybe its not thoroughly disgusting and stupid and the idiots who get this will regret it about five seconds after getting it done but will profess to love it so that they don't look like losers (again). But I'd have to go with, yeah, as stupid as using your body as a sketch pad for every crappy doodle you've ever made. As stupid as using your body as a pin cushion to hang metal hoops off of. As stupid as thinking any of these bod-mods will change the fact that you're a low self esteem wanker looking to get more attention by turning to the freaks for validation.
There's nothing more sad and pathetic than an old man with both his wrinkled arms completely sleeved in anger tattoos, the ones that say stupid shit like, "Death before Dishonor" and "Fear Me" and whatever else sounded like a cool idea when you were 20, drunk and trying to get into some hoochie mama's pants and she happened to mention that she likes a man with tattoos. The whole body mod thing is out of control, people making cosmetic changes to their bodies in the pointless hope that changing the wrapping will make the fish inside the package stink any less. Did that make sense?
How about putting it this way? People who address the cosmetic in themselves with surgeries or bod mods are expecting that they will change who they are by this process. But that's the same as putting a different book cover on the Bible and declaring that its now The Greta Gatsby. It just doesn't work that way.
Address your internal demons, maybe celebrate the defeat of those demons with a tattoo or something if you must but don't expect bliss when all you've done is inject ink under your skin. Or jammed a sharp metallic rod through your skin. Or sliced your tongue down the middle so it looks like a snake, unless that's what you are on the inside.
Or go and do whatever it is you think you have to make yourself happy. But don't come crying to me when you realize that you've now got a forked tongue and you're still a fucking idiot.
And one more pic because its just sooooo, necessary.
The Gunslinger
Pic is a dildo shaped like a pistol and no, I don't think the trigger does anything. Intended demographic? Recovering abusees in need of angry sexual satisfaction combined with a fantasy danger element. And hey, it can even be used to scare away intruders if you get caught masturbating with this ridiculousity (which is a new word I invented just now and just for this purpose).
When Bad Email is Written So Well
Came across this spoof of a spam that's gold. No charge for email. It'll make you feel something. It made me laugh.
0 comments:
Post a Comment