Can You Say Cluster Fuck Housing?
Some of you will groan when you realize what this post is about. That old house I moved out of almost 6 months ago now that I happen to still be on the lease of and am subletting. Oh yeah, just heard that one, Paul.

But, for those of you who aren't up to speed on this never ending joy. Let me give you a little background.

I used to live in a great beach house a block and a half from the ocean. It was a cool house because it had lots of decks, redwood trim inside, high ceilings and I lived there with three good friends.

All of that has now changed as we've almost all moved on to new places with our SO's.

But I'm still technically in charge of the place because I'm financially accountable for its monthly rent. And that's not the issue. The issue is that the owner, who is an 80-something widower who has early stage Alzheimer's or something else that makes her short term memory a bit like a bucket without a bottom, nothing stays in it for very long. She can be very nice and fun to speak with. But she can also be a very nasty, bitter old lady.

Here's the deal. I am on the lease as a tenant along with one other person in a house that held 4 people. Which meant that most people weren't going to be the responsible parties when push comes to shove. When it came time for someone to step up and take over the lease, I did because I wanted to stay in the house.

Now, the house is in reasonably good shape but has needed alot of things to be taken care of over the years that were not taken care of and are now coming back to bite the owner's backside just a little bit. She doesn't like spending money if she can help it and house repairs rate pretty low on her totem pole of importance. I would tell her what was broken and she'd decide not to fix it unless it had to be done (like the downstairs bathroom's seasonal back up problems that indicated an obstruction in the sewage system, not cheap but it had to be done or the house would have become uninhabitable).

But other things, like the dishwasher, the washer and dryer, the carpets, the plumbing, the dryer exhaust, the water heater and many other things were allowed to languish until they got to the state they are in now. Some have been repaired or replaced like the garage door opener and the water heater but most have not been attended to. And with the rental market being more than a little bit soft it isn't the easiest place to rent now because its so high and there's so much already wrong with the place.

I got in touch with the supposed property manager who's really just a friend of the family who sells and rents commercial real estate and was the original architect of the situation that got us in the house 8 years ago. Basically I left him a message saying I'm ready to be done with this whole situation and what must be done to get there. The reply message he left on my voice mail was dripping with condescension and whacked yankitude that I had to restrain my erase button impulse until he was finally done being a jerk.

So here's my schedule. I am on the lease until the end of October after which point I will happily tell the land lady and the property manager guy to fuck off. Until then I have to be a nice little worker fuck and be their little monkey boy. I love it when people threaten to sue me, makes me want to help them out that much more. Only problem is that, because of the land lady's repeat and unscheduled trips to the house, the current tenants want to get the hell out. No one wants to put up with their landlady showing up at any time of the day or night and demanding to see how clean the place is.

Which means that I am now responsible for keeping the fucking place rented out and cleaned up for a few more months. Which sucks balls because I've no interest and make nothing off of the deal. All I get to do is get paddled by the owner and her lapdog property manager who, to his credit, has no interest in doing this crap either as he's not getting paid for his time or effort but that doesn't mean a damn thing to me and he truly could have gotten his message across without being such a fucking whiny bitch condescender.

Anyway, in the course of finding out where my legal rights were, I came across California Tenant Law which has lots of good info on what you can do and can't do in a lease agreement or in a month to month. And what can be done with your security deposit and what cannot be done with it. Good information and there's nothing like fully arming yourself before going into battle. And that's what this whole thing is now, a battle. And one I intend to come out of unscathed.

I want her to break the lease and boot everyone out of that house, that would take care of my troubles in one instant. It wouldn't screw anyone over too badly either because they're all planning on jumping anyway. And then the landlady can rent it again to some idiots wanting to pay what she would like to get for a house that's falling apart because of her lack of re-investment in the house. Oh well, all I have to do is count the days until October 31 though and its all over one way or the other.