Validation from All Angles, Sides, Sites and Systems
Its become apparent to me that I seek my validations from other sources than normal, at least I think they're abnormal. Or slightly off normal as abnormal indicates some sort of failing. And I don't think I'm failing at all, I just look for approval differently than most.

Like my Site Meter counter, I know, intuitively and because I check referral logs, that these clicks aren't reading the blog, they're looking for dirt on Joe Millionaire, Japanese Nipple Scarves, pics of Maria Bartiromo or some other peculiarity that the internet breeds. But I can tell myself that they're sampling the page and getting infected with some aspect of Intellectual Poison has to offer. And then I'm forced to ask the follow up question, what DOES Intellectual Poison have to offer?

Is there something here that can't be gotten elsewhere? Are there things about this site that make it unique and clickworthy on and of its own? If not then why not, why can't I focus the scope of the blog into a narrow beam of writing and ride that beam as far as I can. I know why, its because I'm a cluttered mind, my brain has less structure than most. Which can be both strength and weakness. I think I need Ritalin sometimes, just to try and decrease the scope of my thoughts to a range that's able to provide me with some useful direction. Or maybe I should just exercise some mental discipline on myself and get it worked out.

But my validations come from all perspectives and I overlay them so that, if one returns an answer that doesn't float on the continuum, I'm able to point it out and call it the black sheep among the others. I use Hotornot to verify my physical attractiveness (sure, I use a good pic up there but so what, its still me) and I found my future wife there as well. I write my blog for two main reasons, the first is that I have an awful lot on my mind all the time and need to both vent and share it with the world at large, the second reason is because I like the feedback, I like hearing if what I'm thinking resonates with or against the populance reading me. I like knowing that I've made someone stop and think for a moment. I like thinking that, at this point right now, there are people out there pondering what I really meant by some statement I wrote.

This is all hypothetical because its been some time since I've gotten an email from a reader who was a fan and just wanted to mention that they found something particularly insightful or valuable or whatever. If I had my way, all visitors would leave a note, good, bad, indifferent, something to mark their passage. And that's the basic reason I like the commenting systems, the tag board (when it worked and didn't bog the page down too terribly) or whatever. I like feedback and encourage any and all readers to leave a comment if something I've written touches you, either good or bad. Criticism, while not much fun to take, is the best way to improve on one's ability to transmit the interior dialogues to the external world.