Religion is like a Penis...

Religion is like a penis:
It's fine to have one.
It's fine to be proud of it.
But please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around.
And PLEASE don't try to shove it down my children's throats.

So, so, SO AWESOME! Printing this out and maybe even getting it tattoed on my forehead.

via - certified bullshit technician. - fact.

My Kneejerk Thoughts about the Imprisoned Missionaries in Haiti

You have likely heard or read or seen reports about the ten American missionaries arrested in Haiti for trying to cross over into the Dominican Republic with a busload of "orphans". It turned out that some of the kids weren't orphans at all and had been given to the missionaries by their parents in the hope that they would have a better life in the US.

Now, I do not doubt that their intentions were good and honorable and they thought that they were doing the right thing by removing these kids from a disaster of epic proportions.

However, how they did it was incredibly stupid and/or naive of them. They were told by various relief workers not to try and take the kids, that the paperwork needed to be taken care of and that just taking the kids was a bad, bad idea.

Which is why they are now sitting in a Haitian jail. And they could sit there for months before their trial even begins.

Doing the wrong thing for the right reasons generally does not end especially well. And yes, I am intentionally not going to touch the whole missionary thing. Well, maybe not too much. Would there be such hand wringing over their fate if they were unaffiliated with a religious group?

My issue with the whole concept of the missionary is that they are on a mission, from God supposedly but more likely from someone who claims to speak for him/her/it, to convert heathens to the One True Way. Which completely ignores the heathens previous belief system because, of course, its wrong.

The Lausanne Congress of 1974, defined the term, related to Christian mission as, "to form a viable indigenous church-planting movement."

Not all missionaries seek to overwrite the belief systems of people they visit. Some intend on bringing medicine, education and economic structure (but wait! Isn't money the root of all evil? Couldn't introducing an economic structure be seen as sowing the seeds of a culture's destruction?).

I have no problem with religion, per se. I have a big problem with people deciding that their religion is The Right One and that all other religions are false and must therefore be converted to The Right One. Why do I have a problem with this? Because there's absolutely no possible way to know which religion, if any, is The Right One. It is all a cosmic crapshoot. Maybe the indigenous religious beliefs being subverted by the missionaries is The Right One and those well-meaning missionaries have now consigned The Chosen Ones to an eternity of torment and suffering for straying off the path?

I have a problem with people assuming their beliefs are right without any rational means to prove them so. And I have an even bigger problem with people taking their belief and mashing it over other people's as if one is more righteous than the other.

Anyway, here's my kneejerk summation of the imprisoned missionaries in Haiti: Just because you thought you were doing the right thing does not mean you were actually doing the right thing. You were trying to remove 33 children from their country of origin without proper authority in the midst of the nation's worst disaster. That could easily be construed as predation for your God.

God may have mercy on your souls but it is foolishness to expect the Haitian government to look at your actions with such a kind and understanding light.

We are Building a Religion

Maybe starting is too strong a word. But a title like "We are Defining a Religion" doesn't really grab you quite the same way, does it? And it doesn't matter how delicious the prose behind it is if the title isn't good enough to make you stop and read more. Besides, this is the age of hyperbole.

It is the age of the ultimate and the excess and the extra-large and super-size.

It is these sorts of demons that one who, consciously or unconsciously, subscribes to the tenets of Quixotianism. That's one thing about it that makes quixotianism different from all belief systems is the usual lack of knowledge of membership. There are no meetings, there are no local chapter presidents, there might be an occasional bake sale but they are not the norm.

The identifying trait is the persistence in seeing and battling demons that solely exist in your head. From taking it personally when the chowderhead in the dropped and chopped Honda cuts you off on the highway onramp to the mannerless jackass who bangs into you in a public space and never notices or apologizes. Quixotianism relates external events into personal attacks

Quixotianism - the conscious or unconscious adherence to the practice of battling imaginary demons.

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Now playing: Cake - Comfort Eagle
via FoxyTunes

God Dumbed

** Warning, religious smackdown ahead, veer off if you're going to get peeved. **

We atheists (or cynical agnostics on a good day) have long thought that believing in God is an indicator of IQ. That those who fervently believe are, generally and across populations, not as intelligent as those who do not believe. Part of the reasoning for this is because more intelligent people tend to be better educated and more likely to question faith.

Anecdotal evidence is everywhere. George Bush loves to thump the Bible (and has claimed that it is his guiding manual above the Constitution and Bill of Rights which he's SWORN to uphold) and he's an absolute fucking idiot.

Not to say that all people who have strong religious beliefs are sub-par intelligences. That would be rather stupid to presume. But, as London Metropolitan University's Dr. David Hardman says "...there is evidence from other domains that higher levels of intelligence are associated with a greater ability - or perhaps willingness - to question and overturn strongly felt intuitions."

In short, the stupid don't question, they believe. The intelligent question and, sometimes, discard religious thought as unnecessary foofery that explains nothing that can't be explained by science. It is still debatable about the tangental effects of strong beliefs, does a religious person have a more rigid moral code, a richer spiritual understanding of the universe

The problem in all of this is that it is hard to argue with a religious nut because, in addition to their foam-flecked faith, they're usually dumb. Not all but usually the loudest and most devout.

When Is A Day Off Not A Day Off?

My schedule is pretty decent overall. I get to work at 8, I leave at 4:30. I do it from Monday to Friday with the rare after-hours event/job. And I like what I do.

On Saturdays I take care of our two boys so my wife can work at her salon or work on her online store. These days are usually a little longer but I have alot more freedom to choose what we do, where we go and such.

But this leaves just one single day out of each week where I do not have pre-scheduled commitments. It is the one potential day a week that I can go out for a long and needed bike ride in the woods. It is the one of the week that I should definitely be able to sleep in as late as I can.

So what happens when that one potential free day of the week has other activities scheduled on it? I get annoyed and feel like I'm stuck without any free time at all. Like this coming Sunday. Its Easter Sunday which means absolutely nothing to me since I don't buy into the Christian mythos about resurrections and crucifications. Sure, the egg hunt is fun and ham dinners are nice but the underlying reasons for Easter are founded in a belief system that I refuse to subscribe to. But it is a family day with my wife's side of the family and there's an expectation that I will attend, regardless.

And I am faced with either sucking it up and doing the family thing which involves driving up to the East Bay and making happy faces all day with my wife's family. Or bowing out and getting guilt trips about not leaping at the opportunity to spend a fun-filled day with her family. And then Monday comes and I go back to work without ever getting a break and my stress levels continue to rise.

I need the downtime. I need to be able to unplug and not have to be working all the time. I can feel the burnout trying to get me. I can fend it off with my pre-work workouts, my post-work bike rides and the occasional get togethers with my pals. But the patent reality is that I absolutely need to get my downtime to recharge myself to better cope with the next week's frustrations.

The Religiousification of Presidential Politics

I just happened to hear a Mike Huckabee quote about changing the US Constitution to reflect the "living word of God" which pretty much dismisses him as any suitable presidential candidate. Ever hear of the separation of Church and State, Mikey? Or those Constitutional amendments guaranteeing my right to practice my religion free of persecution? You might want to bone up on the documents you're proposing to re-write.

I understand and have zero issue with people having strong religious beliefs. My issue is when people feel justified in ramming their religious beliefs down my throat.

I don't loudly proclaim that God is a comforting figment of people's imagination and that he/she/it doesn't exist in any real sense of the word. This is my fundamental belief but I don't feel the need to talk about it all the time.

I'm sick of the religious pandering and general religiousification of our culture. Thankfully, I see alot more of the pandering on the GOP side who have absolutely zero chance of getting my vote (unless the Democrats nominate Joe Lieberman or Al Sharpton).

If Huckabee did get elected and started to move to rewrite the Constitution to suit his narrow religious needs then I would imagine (and hope) the national outrage would see him back down right quickly.

Oh yeah, the "living word of God" is an oxymoron. God doesn't speak to anyone, God doesn't write anything, the Bible is a bunch of stories written by men like you and me, it wasn't written by God's secretary and handed to man from on high. Its a storybook not unlike any other fictionalized storybook. Calling it the Word of God is illogical and false. It is the Word of God as Presumed by Man, at best.

I know this election season is going to drag out forever and a month and we will all be thoroughly sick and tired of all of it long before the end is in sight. Can't we just skip to the inauguration? We can flip a coin to see if Hillary or Barack wins since I firmly believe either would be a monumental upgrade to the current band of jackasses running the country.

Got $25? Then Save Your Spot in Heaven!

Reserve A Spot In Heaven is a new, presumably, joke site that purports to guarantee passage beyond the pearly gates and into an eternity of pleasure, joy and elation.

I'd think they might want to add a sliding scale for the more sinful in the crowd that might need an extra push past St. Pete at the gate.

And I'm sure they are doing a brisk business despite the paradox of their money-back guarantee (you need to be dead to collect).

Besides, if you end up in hell there are plenty of lawyers to help you sue.

What's In A Name?

Gillian Gibbons has been pardoned for the sin of allowing her class to select Muhammed as the class teddy bear's name.

There were calls for her execution for such an affront to Islam. For naming a teddy bear something blasphemous to Islamic religious beliefs.

To which I, as an atheist, have to say, how seriously warped are your priorities that you want to put a school teacher to death for something as innocuous as a misnamed toy? And yet you wish to be dealt with respectfully?

Sorry, that's not going to to happen. Allow me to introduce you to my troop of performing dingleberries, the Muhammeds. And the sculpture of Muhammed I made out of ear wax and boogers. And I need to go use the toilet and drop off a few Muhammed's at the pool.

What other creative ways can I insult your intolerance? I could draw up a cartoon but that's been done (to great effect, I might add). Maybe I could start using Muhammed when I mean to say penis? As in, spanking the muhammed, draining the main Muhammed, my Muhammed has a burning discharge and he got kicked right in the Muhammed.

Have I done enough to piss off all of Sudan and the rest of the Islamic peoples? Note, I've got no problem with peaceful and thoughtful Islamic believes, I have a major problem with the fools who call for the execution of a teacher for something as stupid as a name. Radical fundies in whatever religion should be publicly humiliated until they remove their heads from their asses and stop behaving like such tools.

Jerry Falwell: Good Riddance to a Bad Human Being

Read some of the assembled quotes from the late and unlamented Jerry Falwell. I'd forgotten some of the thoroughly despicable things he uttered. And its shocking to see such an assembly.

That this deeply hateful man considered himself a man of God is the most warped perversion of religion for one's own ends I could imagine.

Here are a few, some may end up having my comments because they are so unutterably wrong and evil:
"AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals."

"Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions."

"I hope I live to see the day when, as in the early days of our country, we won't have any public schools. The churches will have taken them over again and Christians will be running them. What a happy day that will be!"

"The Bible is the inerrant ... word of the living God. It is absolutely infallible, without error in all matters pertaining to faith and practice, as well as in areas such as geography, science, history, etcetera."

And people hung on this absolute fucking moron's every word like it was God's sweat beading on his pasty, fatty brow. I believe in every American's right to speak his mind and I certainly wouldn't want to have shut up a fool like Falwell but I will also very loudly exercise my right to shout at him and point out the fact that the man is a cowardly hater at his core. He hates what he does not know and what he does not know is damned near everything.

Good riddance, you disgusting old bag of fetid wind. I know you'll have a dozen fork tongued replacements by next week. But damn, your sorry carcass needed to die. It is a shame that your hateful words and actions will not die with you. Burn in hell for eternity, you evil bastard. And save a place for Dick Cheney, he'll be there before too long.

Also, Jack at the People's Republic has noted an attempt by the Right to repaint this scumbag's history and he is being favorably compared to Princess Di, Mother Teresa and JFK. Which is, of course, ridiculous and wrong. He found the news over at AmericaBlog. To allow his memory to be rewritten and just cross out all the evil parts is a monstrous disservice to us all. Never forget what an intolerant, hateful windbag he really was, never forget what unutterably stupid things he said and believed. Never forget that he didn't care about religious freedom, just his own religion having the freedom to stomp on anyone else and their beliefs.

This is not a man to remember fondly, this is a devil to be scorned forever.