The Best Craigslist Post EVAR!

To the woman who crapped her pants in my car....

Thanks, Amy. The awesome is super-strong!

Copied here in case it goes missing:
We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.

I thought we had chemistry sitting at 6 rivers sharing that basket of hot wings while drinking the chili beer. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don’t feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny, not offensive.

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle's lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don't think anyone wins 100% of the time. That's why they call it "gambling". I'm the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better...like when you're not sitting on a heated leather seat...

What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.

I await your call,
Tad

P.S. - If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early…Touché…

The 7 Stages of Stools or Fecal Haikus

** Warning, scatological post ahead, veer off if poop or poop-chat scares or otherwise squigs you out. Or haikus for that matter. **
As is the norm, Ryan's blogThunderjournal has at least one post on the front page that deals with some aspect of poop. I happened to look at his banner of ads above the title and noticed a few that were poop-based so I clicked one and found this delightful breakdown of the seven stages of stools. Previously to this find, I'd pretty much called a turd a turd. But now I've been empowered (and so have you). Now I can reliably categorize my fecal activities according to the scale. Not that I expect anyone wants to know that I made a Type 4 verging on a Type 5 this morning. But it is nice to know that I can be more precise in describing my crap to others.

Some of the descriptions almost read like haikus. In fact, with just a little work, they could be!

Type 1
Separate hard lumps
Like nuts or rabbit droppings
Hard passage with grunts

Type 2
Sausage-shaped and rough
Lumpy but all in one piece
Elicits the Ahhhhh

Type 3
Like a sausage but
Cracked all over its surface
Call it Playdough poop

Type 4
Looks like a sausage
Or like a smooth and soft snake
Sphincter slithering

Type 5
Soft blobs of feces
With distinct edges and shapes
Passes easily

Type 6
Fluffy pieces with
Ragged edges of fecosity
A sad mushy stool

Type 7
Watery with no
Solid pieces to speak of
All liquid spatter

There now, has your day been enriched?