An Offer They'll Likely Refuse

It was pointed out to my attention and the rest of me this evening that Conan O'Brien or someone associated with him posted this bit of awesomeness.

I thought I'd send them an email with my best offer and a few random questions since I've never been a late night talk show host, at least not on tv or where other people have seen me do it.

Anyway, here's my somewhat witty but mostly smart alecky email offer:

I'll take that show off your hands as long as I don't have to wear
pants. I plan on a completely pants free late night talk show.

How much would it cost to have some wandering around the building with
a tshirt cannon randomly asking riddles of people and shooting them
when they answer wrong?

I'm also interested in an indoor bowling alley, an air cannon that can
launch a 2 x 4 through a car door and lots of fiery explosions. By the
way, is it against the law to make chicken carcasses fight on
television? No matter, it can be done in animation if need be.

What would you think about maintaining a two foot layer of fog or
smoke at all times? And skateboard mounted cameras connected to
helmets worn by people in the audience. And a robot that can only make
mojitos. Is there such a thing as jello that forms a hard shell when
exposed to the air? There should be.

I've got $15 I can pay you for the show now and will, brace
yourselves, match it with another $15 once the show is up and running
and making money.

Anyway, I look forward to work of the pending sale. I can live in the
studio too, right?

As you can tell, I have big plans if I'm lucky enough to be the chosen one. But really, someone should get on that jello thing, that would be awesome.

The Best Craigslist Post EVAR!

To the woman who crapped her pants in my car....

Thanks, Amy. The awesome is super-strong!

Copied here in case it goes missing:
We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.

I thought we had chemistry sitting at 6 rivers sharing that basket of hot wings while drinking the chili beer. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don’t feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny, not offensive.

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle's lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don't think anyone wins 100% of the time. That's why they call it "gambling". I'm the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better...like when you're not sitting on a heated leather seat...

What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.

I await your call,
Tad

P.S. - If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early…Touché…

Craigslist Puts Santa Cruz on Map

Craigslist: Santa Cruz has been added as a region to base from. Previous to this simple and seemingly small addition there was no easy way to search job listings in the Santa Cruz area, just individual towns. Now I can very easily keep a watch on jobs, gigs, barters and freebies.

There is no better place I know of to do business online and it just got way easier. I'm off to update my search feeds.

Thanks Craigslist Flaker!

Usually the flakes who populate Craigslist are a pain in the ass, they call and promise to come by a certain time. Sometimes they call again an hour or so after they were supposed to be there with a BS story. Sometimes they'll even call a day or so later to try and make another appointment (which they'll blow off or otherwise ignore). And if they do show up, they will usually offer less than half of the agreed upon price figuring you just want to get rid of the thing. At which point I generally tell them to piss off.

Usually the dance is annoying in the extreme.

But sometimes it works out in my favor.

Like today, I was able to finally sync my schedule with a guy who was giving away some bunk beds. The first guy who he'd tried to give them to was a total flake, called hours later and tried to reschedule. I was the second email he'd gotten, we talked, we talked some more and finally got together today.

The bunkbeds kick all kinds of ass though they need some work (yes, pictures are forthcoming), some paint and some TLC. But they are solid, they are nice and the boys will love them when we get them installed.

Sometimes Craigslist really does kick all kinds of ass!

Don't Be a Craigslist Corn Flake

Anyone who's anyone that spends time online is aware of how freaking fantastically awesome Craigslist is. There's no getting around how useful, how easy and just how great the site is. Part of that greatness is the lack of advertising all over the site, the simplicity of its use and the underlying philosophy (Craig, the founder, has no interest in becoming a billionaire or going public or leveraging his amazing traffic flow into clickthru cash).

But the site has its drawbacks. Not that there's much that can be done about them because the drawbacks aren't really on the site, they are in the users.

Every time I've listed something for sale, I will field a few emails and a few phone calls. Almost without fail, the first caller will be into the sale, will get directions and will say they are heading out the door to come right over and see/buy the item. Only something always happens and they never show up. Most of the time they never even bother to call or email or anything. Its as if they've been abducted by aliens.

I had one guy once who said he was on his way over. Never showed and he called back a few hours later with a sob story about a broken car and blah, blah, blah. So we set another appointment for him to come by the next day. The next day came and he blew it off again. And then called a few hours later to apologize and try to set yet another appointment.

Which we did and he blew off again. So when he called a few hours after he said he'd be there, I effectively told him to piss off and go jump in a lake.

But then there are the people who do show up and try to buy the item for a tenth of your listed price.

But not me. If I want to buy something and I make an appointment with the seller to be somewhere, I am there, usually even early. And I don't haggle on prices unless the item is more than a hundred bucks.

If you use Craigslist, do it the right way. Follow through on your appointments, don't flake and don't start your negotiation with an insulting lowball. Your cooperation will be appreciated.