Parents Shouldn't Name Kids After Brand Names
without proper compensation, at the very least.
I was in the bank the other day and happened to overhear a conversation between a father, his daughter and the daughter's tough-guy boyfriend. I didn't really care about what they were discussing but I did overhear the daughter's name. And before we get there, let's backfill the scene a little bit more.

The father was a scruffy sort of guy that obviously took alot of pride in his rather large and unkempt beard and denim jacket. The daughter was respendent in some form fitting, booty displaying stretch exercise pants that really just showed that she didn't exercise at all and needed to get working out sooner rather than later. She had long dark girl hair and a reasonably cute face but had a deer in the headlights look in her eyes that, I'm sure, some find attractive but not me. Tough guy boyfriend eyed everyone around him suspiciously from under the wool rim of his gangsta cap all the while keeping a hand on the girl, just in case everyone wasn't quite sure that she was his, all his.

Anyway, so let's get back to the main point, namely, her name.

Her name was Lexus. Not Alexis, not Lexie, not Alexandra. Nope, she was named after Toyota's luxury line of cars. And, if there were really truth in advertising then her name should have been something like Ford Escort Wagon or Geo Storm. I read somewhere that parents sometimes have a tendency to name their children after what they aspire too and it would appear that scruffy beared papa wanted to trade in his 84 F150 for a Lexus.

People, as we should have learned when Sedalina's, Carrie, was considering names for her then as yet unborn baby, it is a terrible thing to do to saddle your child with your aspirations in the form of a brand name. Though in Carrie's case she was considering naming her son, Wisdom, which would have been like the biggest opposites day naming ever. A child conceived by a completely self absorbed prick of relative of Sedalina's who should be working on decorating his prison cell anyday now, he is a true shitfuck in every sense of the word. But don't take my word for it, go and read the entries about her and him. What a tool.

Its worse than the Johnny Cash song, A Boy Named Sue. Can you imagine being called Wisdom and then explaining the circumstances of your birth and realizing that a far more appropriate name would be Oops or Mommy's Little Mistake?

But then, maybe there is something to reaching for the stars when it comes to naming kids. Maybe its the aspiration that's important. Hoping that your child will be more than you were. Hoping that life will not drag them down into the same muck that the parents are mired in. From that perspective I can see it but stay away from naming your kids after brand names unless those brands are kicking you down large bills to do it and even then, its a bad idea. Think about what a nightmare the world would be if there were kids named Sony, Panasonic, Chevrolet, Sharp, Jerri Curl, Bedhead, Hostess, Twinkie, Cheetoh and an entire marketplace of brands. It would be funny in the abstract but really kind of sad in reality. Especially for a second and third child with a brother or sister who got the good name so they get left with something awful like Uniden or Gateway.

As for P and I, we've talked some names and have already come to an agreement on the name if the gummi bear ends up being a girl. If its a boy then he will most likely end up with my middle name because its been in my family for the last nine or thirty generations, something insane like that.