The Scariest Moment of My Life
I had what is probably the most truly frightening and uncontrollable moment of my life last night. P and I were spending time upstairs, watching Extreme Makeover on the idiot box, I was checking hockey scores and I started to feel a little nauseous just after they showed the plastic surgery in action. I didn't think it was connected but didn't have time to really react.

All I know is that I turned back from the TV to the computer screen just as everything went dark, like an iris closing up the darkness began on the outside of my vision and closed down to a point and, for a moment, I was completely without sight and without any control over my body. I convulsed backwards in my chair, banging into the closet door and slamming my arm on the side desk and my foot on one of the braces.

The next thing I knew, though only a moment had passed it seemed like a minute or two has passed, P was next to me, worried and holding my arm, asking me what had happened. A curious question because I really had no explanation for it. Another strange thing that has stuck with me is that, though I knew P was lying in bed when it happened, I had this sense that she had been sitting next to me at the desk. It was very strong and, though I know in reality she had been on the bed the whole time until she ran over to me, I could swear she was sitting right next to me the whole time.

She helped me get up and I felt a bit dizzy so I lay down on the floor, felt the heat of the moment wash over me and it took a good twenty minutes before I felt decent enough to sit up, drink some water and really take stock of my body. The only lingering effects were some very shaky hands, a concerned wife and a very concerned me.

Nothing like that has ever happened to me before and it was really terrifying. While it was happening I could sort of sense, deep in my mind, under layers of fog and darkness, that this was peculiar in the extreme and that I needed to regain control over my body.

I can't put it down to low blood sugar because I'd eaten a decent dinner. I can't put it down to oxygen deprivation because I make a point of breathing on a regular basis. I can't put it down to anything and that's the scary part. No immediately observable cause. So now my new mandate is to schedule a physical, let them know what happened, see if they can figure it out and take it from there.

My fears are that this is the first of many seizures, that they'll strike at any time and that I'll not be able to live a normal life anymore. I feel fine today, worked out this morning, rode my bike to work and will try to live as normally as I can but there will always be that seed of doubt about my body and mind parting company again. What if it happens while I'm on my motorcycle? Or if I'm driving along Highway 1 with the huge cliff drop offs to one side? Or swimming?

Or what if the seizure was like a warmup and the real ones are on their way?

The immediate fallout is that I've now got a damned strong reason to get myself back into great shape. A healthy body is less likely to backfire or whatever I should call it. So I'm going biking this weekend, maybe kayaking too, maybe even surfing if I can get the time for it. The other bit of fallout is that I don't think I'll be taking things for granted as much anymore. It truly is possible that I could have a stroke at any time and lose control over my body forever. I could have a heart attack and die, just like that. There are no guarantees in life and I plan on doing my damnedest to make the most of the time I do have. Love with passion, live with passion and try to not ever take what life's given me for granted. Our eyeblink existence can end in an instant and there is no reset button.