The Opposite of Anxiety
Today's a good day, last night ended really well and this morning started even better. Because I had my woman to spend the time with, woke up with her body entwined around my own.
I picked Paula up from the airport last night and was actually kind of amazed at how happy I was to see her. I knew I had missed her these last couple of weeks but it really hit when I saw her, saw her smile and felt her body come up against my own as we wrapped our arms around each other. I missed her badly, more than I think I let on even to myself.

Maybe its partly because tomorrow is Valentine's Day (though I have, in years past, loathed this "holiday" more than others) and maybe because I don't feel quite whole without her but it was a fabulous feeling, to experience the surge of love I have for her, the desire I have to make her happy, to do whatever I can to please her. Amidst all the turmoil of the world, all the angst, the pending wars, the terror alerts and all the other ShrubCo Special Actions, there's something intensely contenting about being with her. I want to lay in her arms and just be. Not worry about work, or the world, just be. Be with her.

Now if only my eye would heal itself up and function properly again. I scratched the cornea again the other day and its, well, it feels like someone's plunging a hot knife into my eye everytime I look at anything that's not dark. It hurts to look at this screen, it hurts to be outside. And by hurt, I don't mean a dull ache, I mean burning hot searing pain that goes right through my brain. I'm thinking about getting an eye patch at Long's in a little bit if it doesn't settle down some. Its unseemly to have a leaking eye all day. But even my eye doesn't really bother me as much as it would have two days ago before she got here. The world seems softer and easier and nicer and better with her here. And I consider myself the luckiest man alive right now.

Note that I say man there because dear Layne is also getting her surge going as Ione makes her way to her. They'll get to spend Valentine's together, a cross continental love that can't and won't be denied. She inspires and humbles me with her honesty and openness about what Ione means to her (and, by extension and in a minute fraction, to all of us who read her, know her and care about her). I could be happier today but not much.

And I get Paula for an entire week before she goes back to San Diego for a night without me, then I'm there and we pack her life up down there and move her north. Hopefully we'll have a place to move into soon but that's part of her mandate for this week. Housing and a reception hall for the wedding, among others. There are several places available right now and I don't really envision having that much trouble. I'm thinking that I'll rely on the bro deals to get into a good place for good rent in a good spot. And then we get to play house with just the two of us! Woohoo!