Again, You Are the Lens By Which You View the World

A good mood or a bad mood is relative. Some people seem to never get mired in a bad mood. Some people seem to never be able to draw themselves up and out of a crappy mood. The former are like dragonflies flitting here and there and touching the water's surface for just a moment before flitting away again. The latter are like boat anchors, stubbornly gripping the bottom of the sea tenaciously.

Its all too easy to forget that there is one person controlling how we choose to interact with the world. You. You choose whether you will be knocked down or lifted up by events outside of your personal reality. You decide if you're going to allow the stop light cheater to alter your mood.

You. Not anyone else. You.

Choosing a Happier Lens

In much the same way that drunk people make bad choices, like driving, precisely because they are drunk, people who are angry or frustrated are in the worst position to make the right decision to not be angry or frustrated.

And, really, that's all it takes. A conscious decision to not be angry, to not be frustrated. And bam, you are not angry or frustrated. We choose the lens by which we interact with the world. You want to be blue, choose the blue lens. You want to be angry, choose the red lens. You want to be envious, choose the green.

We can opt to not allow our moods to dictate our lives, rather we can dictate our moods.

The trouble is that, occasionally, I forget that I have the remote control. Though, I guess the reality is that it isn't a remote control at all, its all internal, its all hard wired together. But sometimes I forget that I've got the buttons at my command. And I find myself stuck in a crappy mood, determined by what is happening around me, filtered through a lens that I allowed to be placed on my view.

You have the some command control over your life, your moods, your thoughts. It is an empowering realization that should be revisited from time to time to remind oneself of the power over one's personal universe.

You can't control the idiot who cut you off, you can't control the yapping dog across the street, you can't control the douchebag playing his stereo loud enough to rattle your windows at 2 in the morning. In a world where nearly everything is outside of your control, its good to know what you can control.

Adjusting the Lens

Paraphrasing the Grateful Dead, Sometimes you can see something new if you just look at things with a different lens (sometimes you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right). I really like chips in heavy glass, alot more when the window in question isn't my own. But I like how the glass warps light and makes everything go all abstract and crazy looking.

I think its a good reminder to change how you look at things every so often. Step outside of your mind and look at the world with a fresh perspective and you might just find that all of those ponderous weights on you are there just because you allow them to be there.

I need to remind myself of this alot more often to keep from feeling crushed under the weight of my own self-imposed burdens.

Jerky People

You know what pisses me off? People who are jerks for no reason. Like the asshole who shot a father and two of his sons to death this week in San Francisco. Why? The guy was actually being polite and letting you merge into traffic so you shoot him and two of his kids to death? I hope you get caught and thrown in prison for good.

But it doesn't have to be anywhere near as extreme as triple homicide.

It can just be someone opting to not help you out. It can be a co-worker using a bureaucratic loophole to not be helpful. Like the guy at one of my schools who refused to let me into the office so I could get started working because I didn't have a pass which had to be issued by the workers in the office who weren't there or I wouldn't need to be let in.

Instead of just letting me in and moving on with his life, he got to exercise whatever shred of power he had and deny me entrance. Because he's a lazy jerkoff who does the absolute minimum amount of work possible to get his paycheck. This I know because I've discussed him in the past with some of the teachers. But, because of the academic bureaucracy, he is safe from getting fired without massive and annoying hoops to jump through. The school is diminished just that little bit more because it cannot slough off loser workers who couldn't care less about the school or how well they do their job. And his attitude discourages people who are on the fence about staying because I can't think of anyone who would like to work with a jerk.

I've worked for jerks before, I've worked with jerks before and I've managed jerks before. The reason most of them are jerks is because they think the world is out to get them. And it is, because they're jerks. They expect the world to break the cycle so they can stop being jerks but the world doesn't work that way and they are too hidebound by their attitude to approach their universe from any other perspective save the disgruntled one. They are caught in their own vicious cycle of jerkdom. Nobody likes being around a jerk, not even themselves.

If you're a jerk and you're reading this, stop. Stop being a jerk. Heck, make a concerted effort to stop being a jerk for a week or two weeks and see how much nicer the world is. You create your own reality and the reality you create is you being a jerk then quit complaining about it and change your reality to better suit your desires. Unless you like being a jerk and then maybe you should just go juggle cannonballs at the bottom of a lake.

Selectable Reality

Its easy to allow the jerk on his phone is his Ford Expedition who just cut you off without even seeing you to screw up and ruin an entire day. Its easy to let a momentary assholery take over your reality and make the world darker and uglier.

But easy isn't always better (just don't tell that to water) and it isn't always equitable or acceptable.

Why let your day be hijacked by an instant of bad when the day can be changed to something better, more productive and sunnier?

I deal with a myriad of events that seem almost designed to thwart my having a reasonably good day, from a dog that barks at people only she can see, a toddler who thinks the height of funny is to stand at the television and keep turning it off, a bigger boy who has the most extraordinarily selective hearing ever and a wife who, well, let's just say she's occasionally part of the problem. But do I let it get me down?

I come from a pretty pragmatic world view. What is the downstream effect of me leaving the milk out on the counter? What's the downstream effect of me driving like a jerk to get to work right on time? What's the downstream effect of me not putting the toilet seat down?

Pragmatism is living an examined life, knowing what you are doing, knowing how your actions will impact others and actually giving a damn about how those actions will impact others.

If you're having a bad day and don't want to be having a bad day then make a conscious decision to change your attitude and you'll be amazed at how much better the world looks when you just change the lens you are using to view it.

Changing Stations

I've recently made a conscious decision to not allow myself to get as frustrated or aggravated with the world around me. It really has been as simple as choosing to not be as frustratable, to let the annoyances just slide off and go away.

That is, I do not bark back at the dog for being a dog. I do not lose my patience in dealing with my children. And I try not to let the world's stupidities, rudeness and general unfairness negatively impact me. Change those things you can but do not waste time being unhappy about things that are beyond your ability to change or fix.

It hasn't been easy all the time but it has gone a long, long ways to making me a better, happier and higher functioning person/husband/father/employee.

What brought about the change? Just a realization that being angry and frustrated does nothing but wastes energy, diminishes the possibility of fun and creates boundaries where they do not need to exist.

I'm happier and alot less frustrated because I don't get pissed off as easily as I have in recent months. Plus I bet my body is healthier too since stress is making us depressed, fat and sick.

If you're stuck in a cycle of frustration and irritation, take a step outside the cycle and break it. There's nobody but yourself keeping you locked into being unhappy all the time. And there's an awful lot of really good and fun things that you're missing. Like an 18 month old baby boy, who has dimples you could get lost in, thinking the height of fun is to use his poppa like a jungle gym.

If you're unhappy with your current reality then just change it, it really is as simple as choosing to decorate your reality with a different perspective.