I Dream of Perfect and Uncomplicated Births

With the pending birth of our first child, I am, understandably, filled with lots of questions, some concerns, some fears, some puppy dog excitement and just plain old impatience.

And when I dream, I dream of smooth channels, I dream of babies shooting forth from between women's legs, I dream of one hard push and it's all done. (Quit laughing, you mothers out there). I dream of my wife, a little sweaty, a little tired and rumpled up but looking more radiant and beautiful than ever, holding our child. I dream of our little family unit walking along the slough together.

I dream of the good and spend my waking hours thinking about all of the potential bads that can happen, might happen. My fears are not unfounded and that's another fear in and of itself. I fear the unknown, I fear the out-of-control-ness that is the hospital. I fear complications, I fear damage to the baby, I fear damage to P, I fear damage to myself if I pass out in the delivery room (its been known to happen and my own experiences with Vasovagal reactions tells me that it could happen again).

The roller coaster is just getting going again today and my emotional state and ability to work will be tested, again. Luckily, my work is understanding and we just happen to be getting some truly superb coverage and that's really my main metric my performance is measured by so its all good. And, in any case, I'll be out for the next three weeks as we bond with the new baby and P can rest and get her strength back.

We will know in just a few hours if P will be admitted into the hospital tonight or tomorrow morning but I do know that we're under 24 hours from the start time for the most difficult and rewarding event of our lives.

On a side note, the kitty was put down last night, she's being cremated today (jesus, I wrote creamed the first time, that's just gross) and we are going to plant a tree for her and mix her ashes in with the soil. Oh yeah, and Nande's paw is healing up although it looks a little nasty this morning after the walk.

Send the good vibes today. Ideally, P will be dialated a bit but not so much that they want to admit her to the hospital this afternoon. Tomorrow morning would be just fine.