Two Top 5 Lists: Public and Private Personalities That Make My Blood Boil

You voted, I counted and here's the post. I'll get to the runners up in the next couple of days unless I have to launch into a flame war against an asshole commenter over on Layne's site.

I should note that this may seem like an awful lot of anger and hatred but its really not. This list was a tough one to put together because I really am, generally, an upbeat and happy guy. But there are those people that do get my dander up. Let's say that again, I'm not an angry person in general. Normally I am cheerful, interested and engaging or I try to be.

Let's start with the Top 5 Public Personalities:
1. George Bush, ShrubCo's CEO and the means by which we alienate and assault any and all cultures on the planet. Why does Bush make me so angry? Because he's so overlty operating the country like it was his own little private company that its revolting. He has manipulated the taxbreaks for the rich so that they'll kick down vast sums of money for his re-election campaign. He manipulated the USA into an illegal war of aggression in Iraq to root out the terrorist menace and used the 9/11 tragedy as a lever to force Americans into it. Umm, none of the hijackers who caused 9/11 came from Iraq, they were Saudis mostly.
The wrongly named Patriot Act is nothing but an erosion of our rights as citizens of this country.
George Bush is the architect of the rise of corporate greedism that will unravel and derail the US economy for at least a decade after he's out of office. And he will have generated billions upon billions of dollars for his fat, white, old man pals.

2. Bill Gates for dozens of reasons. The first of which is that Microsoft was built upon technology that he STOLE. Based on theft the company has pursued a filthy business model of anti-competition, draconian licensing and upgrade requirements while producing among the worst software available. There are more bugs in a Microsoft software package than there are cockroaches in a Mexican kitchen. And this bugger's the world's wealthiest man? He's a thief.

3. Bill O'Reilly and other hand puppet talking heads for the Republicans. If you're going to be a bitch shill then say so, don't attempt to elevate yourself above the fray and then talk shit about things you don't know. The guy's poison to the American conscious. He spews anger and hatred and calls it a viewpoint and then refuses to allow any possible alternates to enter into the conversation by berating and beating down anyone who dares challenge his decree. He bills himself as a journalist but there's so much bias in him he's positively crooked.

4. Web trolls who spend their time going from site to site attempting to stir up as much trouble as they can to bolster their miniscule self esteem and make them feel important when all they really are is hate spreaders. People that can't see beyond their own stupid, ugly faces and are compelled to knock down anyone that's not living in the muck with them. These are the same assholes who ruin as much of life for other people as possible offline as well as on. And they don't realize that no one likes them, people merely tolerate their presence because they have to, not because they want to. And when they go away, no one hopes they return, people are just happy that the unahppy loser has moved on to other pastures to defile, degrade and debase.

5. Hugh Grant. Or the entire cast of Friends. Hugh Grant because he had the most rude audacity to hire a hooker for some trashy sex (and a damned ugly nasty looking hooker at that) while he had been very seriously involved with Elizabeth Hurley. who is among the most beautiful women on the planet in my mind. That and he always plays the same stupid, foppish English wanker character in every movie he's been in. And he's some kind freaking sex symbol? Why? He's a pasty nimrod with about as much talent in his whole body as someone like Gene Hackman's got in his fingernail clippings. Yeah, he drives me nuts. And this one also gave me a further idea, a few people that used to be on this list but have since been removed for various reasons.

And Friends? I can't stand that lame dick shitty show. Sure, they are all beautiful people on the outside but they are fucking idiot losers. David Schwimmer? What's his character's main trait? Being an insecure dumbshit. Drug Boy? What's his name, Matthew Perry? He's the frenetic over reactor, oooh big stretch there. Matt LeBlanc, he's the dumb guy, again huge stretch, work those acting classes. The women are all beautiful but so severely irritating that they'd get a slapping. The show is disreality, its about as real as twinkies. Here's my big question for Friends. How in the hell can six people live in New York City and never, ever see a black person on the show?

I hate Friends because its a homogenized and sanitized limp dick show about insipid characters. I know lots of people LOVE it but so what? Lots of people love watching Nascar but I couldn't care less about the "sport". I like shows like American Chopper, Monster Garage, Junkyard Wars, Futurama, The Daily Show, Baseball, Iron Chef and almost anything on Discovery or TLC or the Food Network. There are plenty of other TV personalities that bother me, Dharma and Greg is pure garbage, ditty Will & Grace, Jenny Jones (who is so bothersome my blood pressure goes up just thinking about her), Everybody DOES NOT Love Raymond and dozens of other shows that are just time fillers without even the slightest drop of creativity to them.

And I do hate bad marketing or marketing intended to piss you off (ala Carrotop selling collect calls) or marketing that's just confused like the Coinstar commercial with the tooth fairy in it who changes in all the coins into bills. But the tooth fairy doesn't collect money, she leaves it so how in the hell does that construct work? What, is she going to start leaving paper money for teeth? You can't go shifting paradigms like that in a commercial. Its just a bad idea taken from the drawing board to real life and should have been killed when it was first aired.

And now let's get to the Top 5 Private Personalities That Enrage Me:

There are a bunch to choose from so I'll have to cut down on the criteria some. It would be far too easy to put in the person I work with who's a loser with their head firmly planted in their own backside. But they are just not important enough to warrant the thoughts. So let's get started. All names with held in the interest

1. A guy who lives in the house behind my old house. He has a way of rubbing EVERYONE wrong and seems to not understand when someone is WITH another person that its really very, very uncool to keep trying to pick them up. In fact, its a really good way of getting the shit kicked out of you. Which has happened to him on at least one occasion I know of. He's not a bad guy when he's not trying to pick up your fiance but that's a major character flaw that's just about impossible to overlook.

2. Another guy from the neighborhood who would inflict his company on me from time to time. He'd come over to see my housemate and would end up trying to hang out with me instead so he could tell me about how awesome he is, how popular he is (so much so that he had to delete one name from his phone directory so he could add a new one). A wank that attempted to penetrate our group of friends under some very suspect pretenses. He lied about what he'd been in jail for when in fact, he'd gone to jail for using a pistol as a club to beat the crap out of a guy and his ex-girlfriend.

3. My ex-housemate from Tempe, Arizona. Years ago this dumbfucking moron got the great idea to use a color copy machine to make fake twenty dollar bills and buy $10,000 of marijuana from the Mexican mob. And then he skipped town but not before he'd helped himself to some of my things on the way out the door. So I was not only out some of my prize possessions that he stole but I also had to deal with a very, very displeased guy from the Mexican mob. It was only because I was so genuinely and thoroughly pissed off at him that this guy didn't hold me responsible for this asshole's idiocy. And no, I'm not making this up.

4. Another housemate from Arizona State, he was actually the subject of the motorcycle accident post from a few weeks ago. He was a pretty good guy when I first met him and we were good friends. But, over time, he slowly and inexorably slipped to the dark side, the mullet wearing dumbass crowd that thinks culture is reading the bottle of low budget beer you're drinking from. I once witnessed him eat popcorn all weekend because he didn't have any money and they were throwing it out from the theatre where he worked sometimes.
After his accident and splitting his head open, he became worse and worse. His nickname became, "Can I Have a Bite of That" because that's what he would say everytime anyone was eating anything. Someone could be eating horseshit with cocktail sauce and he'd ask for a bite. I honestly think it was one way he supplemented his diet.
He had to go after he and another room mate got the brilliant idea of stealing toilet paper instead of buying it. I was awoken at 3 in the morning by the cops one night and came out to a pile of toilet paper, candy bars and assorted vending machine crap that they'd stolen from a couple of machines they'd smashed.
My guess is that he's still drifting through Tempe, breaking into cars at night and basically inflicting his presence on whomever will tolerate him.

5. The last is a minor dislike now, it had been a raging angry red hatred for a long time but now its just a dull throbbing reddish dislike. Why waste the energy on someone who's not worth the time? But she had been for a while. We'd gone out together for a bit, she'd gone on the wagon (and man did she need to break that cycle) and we had a lot of fun for a while. But she slipped and fell off the wagon in a huge way, slept with my housemate and then accused me of being a drama queen. And when I told her about my pending nuptuals, she had no response at that moment but the next thing I knew, she'd grabbed her gear and run from the bar. The sole person in everyone either P or I told about the wedding that was not enthusiastic about it for us. Her response was shock and anger. So she gets to be number 5 and that's only because I don't really feel like dredging up the guy who jumped me a few years ago (though I somewhat deserved it) or any of a few dozen other jackhole wanks who deserve a public lashing.

And that wraps up the enraging people, how about finishing up the post with a little good news and talk about those people that used to make my blood boil but have since been removed from those lists?

Top Few Removals from the List of People that Enrage Me

1. Ben Affleck. Not because of the whole stupid J. Lo thing because, quite honest, I don't see the uber attraction to her. Sure, she's a great looking woman but so what, there are plenty of great looking women in the world. No, Ben used to drive me nuts because he was a one face actor for a long time. That one look of sardonic surprise and that New Kids on the Block hair was bad in the worst way.
What changed my thinking? It was a slow process of erosion of my dislike (much to my brother's chagrin who now dislikes him and used to bait me with Ben Assflap leading questions). First off, Dogma kicked ass. It was a damned good performance by both Matt and Ben and it made me laugh alot. What else? He's a Boston guy and he's tried to stay as normal as possible after becoming a super star, he still hangs out with his high school pals and is a pretty down to earth. So Ben has been pulled from the blood pressure spiking ranks.

2. Actually that's about all I can think of right now. I'm sure that more will come to me as the day goes on and I'll try to revisit this post to add them in but for now we'll just go with Benny.