Paradox and Fidelity in the Marriage Universe
I had a story related to me a few weeks ago and have been thinking about it alot since because it seems like such a straight line tautology that I have a hard time believing that not everyone can automatically see this.

But here goes, there are married couples out there in the world who have a peculiar sexual dynamic that I would like to draw the class's attention to. It is the practice of with holding sexual gratification to the man for issues, rewards, penance or just plain orneriness. Now think about this slowly. Men are generally sexual creatures and like to get laid (and in fact, it could be argued that one of the main tenets of a marriage is a healthy sex life). Men are also not the most patient of critters and frustration can lead to several scenarios, not many of them good.

Say Bob comes home from work, he's had a hard day at the office, got yelled at for something he messed up, is tired, frustrated and just needs a little bit of care and love from his mate, Sally. She has other issues and problems, as do we all, but doesn't recognize that being intimate with her man is a really good way to bring the two closer and help blow off some steam in the process. Instead, she gets pissed off at him for forgetting to buy milk on the way home, or for leaving his jacket on the bed or whatever. And so, when Bob attempts to snuggle up to his love, she rebuffs him, cold shouldering him away.

How many times will Bob do this until he gets tired of being rejected by his wife?

The number of times will vary from Bob to Bob but there is a number attached to every one of us Bobs out in the world. And what happens when that number is reached? Bob says to himself, "Well fuck this, if she doesn't want me then I'm going to find someone who does." But since Bob's got two kids, he doesn't want a divorce, he just wants to get laid every once in a while. So Bob allows someone to pick him up and he gets his wick wet, as it were.

Sally finds out that Bob cheated on her and explodes with the fury of a thousand exploding suns. How dare he have sex with another woman? How dare he? When, in reality, its Sally's own stupid, narrow minded fault for pushing him away time and again. No one likes getting shot down and doing it again and again is just another form of insanity. So Bob gave up on trying to entice his wife into making love with him and went elsewhere, to someone who not only gave in to his advances but looked forward to them.

Its in the use of sex as a weapon in a marriage that can, eventually, drive the man into the arms of another woman. And then the shit really hits the fan because Bob had the audacity to go outside the relationship looking for gratification. Its a stupid catch-22 because Bob didn't want to cheat on his wife but she practically forced him into it by never being in the mood or whatever. Sex is important to men (and many women, don't get me wrong, geez!) and its one of the ways that we connect with our lover.

If I were Aesop then I'd say the moral of the story is to do your damnedest to avoid using your sex as a weapon or carrot to be extended and retracted arbitrarily. And yes, this all works the exact same way if the roles are reversed. If Bob keeps pushing Sally away then guess what? She's gonna go get some from Tom, Dick or Harry eventually. And Bob would have nobody but himself to blame for the transgression, just as Sally would carry all the blame for shunting Bob away every time he wanted to be intimate.

But then, I'm not married, never been married and don't really have access to those internal dynamics yet. But I don't see Paula and I having any sorts of these problems at all. We're both entirely too sensate and very much in love and lust for and with each other. And yes, that's part of not having seen her in coming on two weeks now. And yes, I do miss her terribly but keep your collective fingers crossed for us as we might connect up for a weekend of camping down in Big Sur! Woohoo! Now that would be just awesome.

Other Linky News
Added a few new links down there along the side last night and today.
Snopes and The Smoking Gun for debunking internet myths and breaking cool entertainment news stories. The other two new ones are local sites, HickeyJames and 116 Seabright. All fun and games and worth a surf. And two new blogs, Plep and its darker cousin, Afriplep, might have to figure out what Plep means but they're still cool and worth a surf as well.