Today in WTF?

Let's start out with some low hanging fruit written by a fruit who should be hanged (heh).

That, my friends, is an example of what 'net geeks like to call EPIC FAIL! Amazon is selling a book catering specifically to pedophiles called The Pedophile's Guide to Love and Pleasure. The description reads "This is my attempt to make pedophile situations safer for those juveniles that find themselves involved in them, by establishing certian rules for these adults to follow. I hope to achieve this by appealing to the better nature of pedosexuals, with hope that their doing so will result in less hatred and perhaps liter sentences should they ever be caught"

Um yeah, good luck with that, Philip R. Greaves. May your time behind bars be filled with eternal torment until you are finally shanked out of existence.

More WTFism

What kind of a piece of shit vandalizes an elementary school? I don't get it.

Some asshole came onto the school campus here over the weekend, broke the lock off an outside circuit breaker and broke some circuits inside that resulted in a bunch of food spoiling, some emergency repairs and a whole bunch of confused computers.

To what end? What's the point of it?

I tend to think that anyone lame enough to vandalize an elementary school isn't worth wasting a trial on, just throw them in a deep, dark hole and let nature take its course. Probably a good thing I'm not a judge, eh?

WTF News

Contained herein are actual news stories gathered from around the intarwebs that elicit loud What the Fuck? responses.

Hannity Agrees to be Waterboarded for Charity to Prove It Is Not Torture - this is unlikely to happen but I think it might go a very long way towards changing his stance that waterboarding is, essentially, dunking someone's head in water. It is much, much more.

8-year-old Saudi girl divorces 50-year-old husband - reread that slowly. What kind of a government would sanction the marriage of an eight year old in the first place? Disgusting kid groping freaks.

Girl beats off muggers with marching band baton - that's one way to stop an assault, beat them off. Not sure how pleasurable the baton made it but, hey, it takes all types.

Fear a high school reunion? Hire a stripper - Better yet, hire a male stripper to impersonate you.

Autonomous Rotorcraft Sniper System packs .338-caliber rifle controlled by Xbox 360 pad - 'Scuse me while I go and make sure my fallout shelter is fully stocked and has a can opener.

Berlusconi rejects patch-up with wife - there are some things that really should be dealt with privately. A pending divorce is very high up on that list. Show some class and take it offline.

NV boy accused of targeting girl on `kill list' - this is a 5th grader who not only put together a list of people he wanted to kill, he was starting to act on that list by attacking a 10 year old girl with a rock.

And finally, Some see media flu coverage as overblown - ya think? Its the flu, there's a nasty flu every year and the flu kills people every year. There is little new about this year's flu epidemic.

This Week in Weak and Strong #2

Attempting to make this a regular feature of Intellectual Poison, here is the second Week in Weak and Strong.

Weak governance - Dear Rod Blagojevich, Selling Senates is bad, getting all blustery and full of hyperbole in front of the commission to impeach just makes you look like an idiot. Good luck with your post politics career. And by good luck, I mean, I hope you saved alot of money because you're going to be out of work for a long, long time. You aren't Gandhi, you aren't Nelson Mandela, you are a crooked jackass.

Weak Greed - The Wall St. greedheads need to be reminded that bonuses are supposed to be compensation for doing a good job, not a birthright. The $18 billion in bonuses scheduled for the jackasses presiding over the worst year on Wall St. since the 30's is beyond ridiculous, it should be criminal. That's our damned money they are giving away for cratering the economy and sending the nation into a recession.

Weak enforcement - the more we learn about the cops that patrol BART, the more we learn that they are just about a half step up from the thugs they bust or shoot in the back.

Weak money - Budgets that underfund education are shortsighted and create much deeper social issues down the road. I'll grant that the current recession and budget crisis means we all must tighten our belts but repeatedly cutting funding for education is penny wise and pound foolish.

Weak people - Joaquin Phoenix serious about rap career, says rep. 'Nuff said. Actually, click the link and see him in his "glory". Jackass.

Weak traffic - We come across them everyday. The dinkus who thinks stop signs are for other people, the asshat who cuts you off on the on-ramp only to top out at 65 mph on the highway, the wankers who think turn signals are for losers and the jerks who drive like it is their pride on the line at every moment.

Strong karma - The donors to the anti-gay Prop 8 have been trying to hide their names from public disclosure in the wake of massive protests. A judge just recently refused to throw out the law or shield donors' names. Nothing like trying to hide your bigoted and hurtful hate behind the law and getting smacked in the face with it. Haters.

Well now, that was actually more satisfying than it felt like it was going to be when I started.

I Don't Get It

I was on Twitter just now and noticed I've got 44 people following me, many of whom I have no idea who they are or why.

One that I checked on is following, brace yourself, 57,000 people. I don't get how or why they would be interested in a twitter stream with that many people.

Can someone explain what's going on? And yes, they appear to be a real person, a rather cute German girl from her picture.

Biker Loses Leg in Accident and Fails to Notice for a Mile

I don't know how this is possible. How does your leg get chopped off and you don't notice? Putting aside the agony of a chopped limb, how did he shift or brake (depending on which leg it was)?

I don't get it.

Disappointment

** Warning, pending sexually based post ahead. Veer off now if reading the word "sex" makes your heart rate jump in an unsafe manner. **

One would think that a site purported to be the home of the World Sex Records would be a decently fun site to read through.

I'm not sure if they made it dry and boring on purpose or if it just happened that way. Some pictures would be nice. Something to break up the monotony of large block chunks of text with juicy bits hidden between timelines and locations.

Take, for example, Most Pendelous Breasts by Race. Haha, perfect man fantasy fodder you're thinking? Try some of the copy.

Breasts come in all shapes and sizes and hues. We have already noted some massive specimens: there are other ways in which breasts can be excessively dimensioned. They can, for instance, be extremely long, dangling like strips of skin. This occurs in a number of African tribes and can be common in both young and old women. It is not unknown for women to toss their breasts over their shoulders to keep them out of the way while working.

Um, well that sounds practical.

And now, I have the song, "Do your ears hang low?" stuck in my brain.

Though, this page details the most penises chopped off post battle and presented to the King as trophies (hint, the number is north of 13,000).

Did you know that three or four men in a thousand are able to orgasm through concentrated thought alone? It is, apparently, the rarest form of orgasm. Blowing oneself is fairly common with three or four in a thousand capable and willing.

And don't read about the most drastic sex aids. Just don't. Those Bataks are some crazy mofo's though, damn!

I'll probably have nightmares now. Thanks, World Sex Records.