Burnt Clutch

So I had a thought last night before bed that I didn't stop to take the time to write down as I usually do with thoughts I have right before bed. Usually, if I don't write them down, they are gone by the time I wake up. But not this time, which is a sign of something, I'm not really sure what.

My brother wrote me the other day, a short email contained in the subject line, "Are you okay?" which has been on my mind alot since. Am I okay? Have I ever been okay? Is okay good enough since its kind of like pulling a C, its passing but it ain't nothing to shout from the rooftops about.

Great = A
Good = B
Okay = C
Not okay = D
Bad = F

Given that scale, yeah, I'm okay but it would certainly be a hell of a lot nicer to get to good or even great every once in a while.

I've been thinking an awful lot about what makes me tick or not tick as the case may be. The most apt metaphor I can come up with is a car that's got a nice big V8 engine, its got lots of power, makes a great sound when you blip the accelerator and could make the vehicle (me) rip it up on any road its put upon. The only problem is that the clutch connecting that massive, beautiful engine to the wheels has burnt out and can only engage just a tiny bit of the engine's power.

So I am engaged in trying to find a way to better engage my engine and put the power to the pavement more effectively. One step along that way is to talk with my doctor and see about trying out another medication for my ADHD. Another is to make sure I'm going to bed earlier, being up past midnight every night has been taking a toll on me that was hard to see until I started going to bed earlier and feeling much more complete and ready to attack the day.

How do other people do it? How do other people stay on task? How do keep track of all the myriad things you need to get done in a given day, week, month, year? I'm open to suggestions, ideas or what's worked for others. Let me know in the comments.

Resolutions

Herein are some personal, professional and family resolutions.

Personal:
Continue to battle the middle-aged spread.
Less time on the computer, more time with my family
Try to keep in mind that the internet isn't nearly as important as I think it is
Stop being too sexy for shirt because it hurts
Ride my bike more, drive my car less

Family:
Less tv time, more play time together
More bicycle riding together
More Lego time
Less "don't" and more "do"
Recognize that "me" time is just as important for my wife as for me

Professional:
Expand revenue streams beyond straight work.
Monetize my other blogs to generate some added income.
Keep adding to my tech support repertoire including the unholy hell that is Windows.

This is a good start. I reserve the right to add to these resolutions as they occur to me or life demands it.

The Weary is Strong

It is exceedingly hard to get back up on top of one's game if one is unable to attain a full night's rest. Lather, rinse and repeat the undersleeping and the problem can become chronic and deeply troubling.

And it effects my ability to think as coherently as I normally can. It changes my ability to be rational and objective. Plus it makes my writing suck more than usual.

The thing is, I can't seem to get to bed before midnight. No matter what I do or how hard I try, I always seem to end up going to bed right around midnight. And with early wakeups for work I am consistently getting less than 6 decent hours of sleep a night. Which I know is not especially healthy for my mind, my body or my life.

I know I should be able to just push back from my desk at 11 or earlier and just go to bed but all efforts to do so have failed thus far. And I'm not sure how much longer my sanity will hold on when its so badly frayed. Something's going to have to give because I really shouldn't be waking up more tired than when I went to bed.