A New Recurring Feature for Intellectual Poison
I picked up a cool new calendar on Friday when I also got my copy of Thievery Corporation's DJ Kicks (an excellent ambient album, very, very cool mellow background music). Its the Worst Case Scenario Daily Calendar and today's page is "How to Survive if your Parachute Fails to Open". Today's tip is for Erika, one of my best friends, who is fast approaching her 100th jump.

How to Survive if your Parachute Fails to Open
1. Signal to a companion whose chute hasn't opened yet that you are having a malfunction. Wave your arms and point to your chute.
2. When your companion gets to you, hook your arms into their chest strap or through the front of their harness, all the way up to the elbows.
3. Your companion should open their chute.
4. The chute opening shock will be severe, probably dislocating or breaking your arms. Your friend will have to hold on to you with one arm and steer with the other.
5. If there's a body of water nearby, head for it.