Review of The Bachelor, or The Further Degradation and Stupidification of America and our Affiliate Nations by Culturally Bankrupting Television

Let's start with my lame reality tv disclaimer before progressing, shall we? I do watch reality shows but shows more like Survivor and much less like the false reality of reality shows like The Bachelor and Married by America. Why? Because I find them, well, slimey and culturally void.

But Paula, who's only just getting cablelized TV back into her life, gets sucked in like a floater circling the drain. And, because I'm in the room, I will sometimes pay attention to the freakish events on the screen. Until I intellectually vomit and must remove myself from the room entirely.

What's wrong with pap like The Bachelor? Well, let's see, it highlights vanity over substance in many, many instances. It encourages people to act out and explode, to let their inner freak run free. It opens a Pandora's Box of human perversity and diversity.

It exposes people for the shallow and storefront confidence they must hold up. One of the girls, Liz, I think, was having a freak time because her "best friend" on the show wouldn't dish on her private date with the bachelor guy (who looks like a kid in a candy store with 25 hot women chasing after him but is no less morally corrupt than anyone else associated with the show). This is a girl who, the week before, hadn't even ever heard of her new best friend. And she was crying about it.

What the?

I want a real reality show. One that doesn't reward acting out, one that doesn't involve idiotic rose ceremonies and group dates.

So, instead of watching the show any longer, I gathered my gear and went downstairs to get my kill on in Vice City and learned a cool new trick in the game. When you take the drugs and are running around in slow motion, put away your weapons and attack people bare handed, you can kick them about twenty feet, sometimes into oncoming traffic for extra effect. The drugs make you super strong and impervious to pain, kind of cool.