Adrift

[This was written last weekend during a pretty unpleasant period of frustration. I've decided to post it because the emotions are real even if they are currently in my rear view mirror and receding more rapidly. My current mood is nowhere near as dark and forlorn though I can recall how it feels readily.]

I am adrift on a sea of impatience and frustration. I am stuck between a rock and a mortgage. I am underwater, sinking.

I am tired of being tired.
I am tired of being envious.
I am tired of having a hair trigger temper.
I am tired of my dog ignoring commands unless I am pissed off.
I am tired of my children ignoring me until I raise my voice.
I am tired of my older son biting my younger son.
I am tired of my younger son baiting and pushing my older son's buttons.
I am tired of the world not recognizing my brilliance and rewarding me accordingly.
I am tired of getting paid so little.
I am tired of struggling.
I am tired of knowing how well off others are.
I am tired of reading about how fan-fucking-tastic other people's lives are.
I am tired of being the last to bed and the first one awake.
I am tired of the asshole up the street who plays his drums, badly, way too often.
I am tired of the idiot yap dog across the street that barks for hours upon hours at a time.
I am tired of the fireworks still being shot off in my neighborhood every night more than a month after Independence Day.
I am tired of feeling like a pauper.
I am tired of not being able to live where I want.
I am tired of not being able to do what I want.
I am tired of feeling grateful to still have a job that doesn't pay me enough to pay my bills.

You Know It'll Be A Long Day....

You know today will be a slog when it isn't even 9 am and you're already ready to take a nap. I don't know what's going on with me. I am going to bed earlier but I am waking up more tired than when I went to bed. Its a bit frustrating and I'm sure the fever blisters aren't helping.

On a slightly positive note, I didn't have bizarre dreams last night, just odd. So that's improvement.

And, for some reason or another, Blogger isn't playing well with my hosting space so I am having massive troubles publishing my blog these days. It is taking a couple of hours and a ridiculous amount of patience to get things to post. Just what I need, more frustration.

Daylight Savings Always Kicks My Ass

While I get the reasoning behind Daylight Savings Time, the practical reality of it is that it totally knocks me out of whack.

It is barely 7:30 here right now and I'm almost unable to keep my eyes open. Granted, I went on a long motorcycle ride today (I'll try to finish the write up before crashing) but the early rising combined with the time change has about done me for the day.

Of course, the two wild boys in my house are amped and literally jumping around their room and screeching like its the end of the world. I expect they will sleep in tomorrow morning, which is just fine.

I hope I can get a decent night of sleep without the freaky dreams I've been having. I know the alarm will be going off before I know it and the working man's week will start right back up again. Have I mentioned that I love my hours? I've never had a job that gets out at 3:30 in the afternoon, its quite nice!