TUF Thinking

The 9th season of The Ultimate Fighter is starting to wind down. Lots of the bravado has been spewed, there was a, thankfully, short introduction and quick whooping of Junie Browning Jr., another redneck with a taste for alcohol and being a colossal douchebag, but the real mark on this season has been the United States versus the United Kingdom aspect.

Of course, the coaches are a big part of the show and they couldn't be more polar opposite. Dan Henderson is an old school, tough as nails, been there done that, don't need to brag about did it wrestler turned fighter. His pedigree is legend, his mentality is balls to the wall. Michael Bisping is the UK coach, he made his mark on MMA and the UFC by winning a previous season. Where Hendo is quiet and thoughtful, Bisping is brash, abrasive and cocky.

I've never been much of a Bisping fan, he's a good fighter to be sure, but he's kind of a cock and its hard to root for a cock, maybe unless you're kind of a cock yourself, I don't know.

In the coach's battle, I'm all Hendo and I'm looking forward to seeing Hendo thrash Bisping like the loud mouthed prick he is at the end of the season. Of course, it probably won't be anywhere near as one-sided as I'm hoping but I'm pretty confident that Hendo will handle Bisping.

Now, to the fighters. I actually find myself liking the UK team more. They seem like a good bunch of guys for the most part. Some of the Americans are alright but they seem to be more talk than action, more bullshit than results and kind of come off like dicks.

And in tonight's episode, Michael Bisping apparently goes one big step over the line and sprays water from his water bottle into the face of Damarques, an American fighter with a big mouth. We'll see how it all shakes out in the end.

Overall, the UK fighters have made this season worth watching for me. But at least there's been less overt idiocy (think Jesse Taylor pissing himself by the pool while drunk and stupid) in the house this season which does nothing but denigrate the sport as a whole.

Oh Well, File It Under Better To Have Tried and Failed

Than to never have tried at all.

It is September and I never did hear back from the Survivor producers for a second interview which was supposed to take place in August. The only conclusion I can draw is that I was not selected for further inquisition for season 19 of the reality show.

Which is, of course, their loss as I would totally kick all the ass out of Survivor if they put me on the show. I mean that too.

You hearing me, Probst and Burnett? You missed the boat. But its not too late, if you call me up (you've got my numbers) and are nice to me, I'll come and play in your sandbox and make it rock!

I'm mildly bummed about not even making it to the second round but its a learning process and I'm filing this one away for future reference. I'll tryout again when it comes back around.

The Great American Idol Tryouts Tour

It is time once again for bad singers to emerge from the woodwork to warble for American Idol judges to shred them for having no talent at all. I have no problem with people trying out for the show, heck I just tried out for Survivor. But there is apparently a Tryout Tour taking place that involves following the tryouts from state to state across the country so they can wait in a stupid long line again. Again to be told that they cannot sign. Again.

Far be it from to judge another's choice of leisuretime activity but this one of touring a tryout to get rejected time and again seems dumber than most other reasons for a road trip I've ever heard of. When I was a kid we would go on tour following the Grateful Dead, this AI Tryout Tour just seems kind of desperate and pathetic.

I am sure that some are doing it because they feel they could have sung better during their audition and I am sure that's true in some cases. Just as I am also sure that many on the tour are repeating their audition to try and get on tv for their moment of fame.

Besides, American Idol is ageist as they cutoff contestants at 35, or they did the last time I checked or cared.

Survivor: Micronesia Fans vs. Favorites

** Warning: Spoiler Alert, do not read if you do not want to know what happened. **

The new season of Survivor kicked off the other night with a group of super fans being sent to an island in Micronesia to stand in the rain and await their competition. They didn't know their competition was going to be some Survivor favorites and one total asshole who's nobody's favorite but we'll get to him later.

The fans seemed almost hand picked to match up against the favorites to make for an interesting season.

The one major sticking point for me going into this season was the inclusion of Jonny Fairplay as a "favorite". For one, he's nobody's favorite. For two, he was terrible at the game. For three, anytime I hear his name or see his greasy mug I just want to start punching him until his mug is gone.

I wanted him off the show as soon as absolutely possible. And I got my wish as he was the first to be voted off. Since he's got a baby on the way I won't wish him harm or anything but I certainly don't wish him well. Scumbags don't need any help and he's a supersized scumbag sleazeball jackass.

As for the other favorites, I was pleased to see James come back and Ozzy and Yau Man (to a lessor degree though) some of the others. My wife remarked that all of the fans had something funky about them, like 70's glam hair or midwestern pinched faces or something along those lines. I had to agree but I'm more interested in how well they handle the favorites, some of which are the fans' favorites themselves.

I think this'll be an interesting season and it'll be watchable without Jonny Fairplay because I probably would have boycotted if he'd hung around for more than a couple of episodes.

Finally, A Good Week in Reality TV Land

The last of the preliminary bouts on The Ultimate Fighter (TUF) took place and Tommy "Farmboy" Speer pretty well pounded the crap out of Warmachine. Warmachine landed an early blow between Tommy's eyes that made him bleed alot and nearly choked him out early in the first but that was all he was able to do. Tommy dominated him and really pounded him good. Hard enough to make Warmachine not be able to get back to his corner under his own power and then he fell off his stool.

A good, if bloody, fight.

And Jean-Robert, the fat, greasy slimeball poker player on Survivor finally got rejected by the rest of the survivors and booted. The guy is my second least favorite player of all time, behind the most annoying reality wanker of all time who won't even be named here because it probably gives him a stiffy to know how much people still hate him. But he's the scraggly dink that Danny Bonaduce tossed off of him and sent him in for a whole bunch of facial surgery after he used his face as a landing pad a few weeks or a month ago.

I still dislike Matt Serra on TUF but his day of reckoning is coming and it'll be hard for him to talk while he's getting his ass kicked.

Now all I need is for my lip to heal up and I'll be a much happier camper again.

We Are in Reality Heaven!

The new season of The Ultimate Fighter (Matt "Teh Dominator" Hughes vs. Matt "Da Pretenda" Serra) starts tonight and the new season of Survivor: China starts tomorrow night.

Woot!

Absolutely Compelling Reality TV

Reality TV, by and large, is limp crap that's gotten popular with studios because it is lots cheaper than a regular show and audiences seem to like watching people be mean to each other.

But the Discovery Channel has a pretty amazing reality show called The Deadliest Catch about king crab fishing in the North Atlantic where a mere ten minutes unprotected exposure in the water is pretty certain death. There's a reason why they call it the deadliest catch.

The episode that was just on included the sudden and dramatic sinking of one of the boats in the fleet and at least three and very likely five of their friends lost their lives. It is all but impossible to look away or change the channel when you are watching a search, rescue and, eventually, a recovery. Something to think about the next you get some king crab and complain about how much it costs (yes, I realize that most people don't get king crab often at all because it is so pricey but boy howdy does it taste good).

Somehow it makes Road Rules seem even shallower than before. And yeah, I should count Survivor in that as well but I'm not going to because, well, I like Survivor.

I Feel Pithy, Oh So Pithy

Has anyone out there watched The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency "reality" show on Oxygen? You know, the one with the ex-model with the awful and badly enhanced lips and a potty mouth?

She was probably once pretty gorgeous but those days ended at least a decade ago and now she's trying to buy (via plastic surgery) some fraction of what looks she once had. She also reminds me of my old boss, an attractive lady who's looks are fading and her mean streak just gets wider and wider until it absorbs her whole personality.

Anyone, there was an episode where her little agency landed an international contract and the guy came in and said that she had a reputation as a bitch, which she is. She asked him to rephrase his statement and he basically said "No". So she goes back to her team of pretty boy models and proceeds to insult the hell out of the guy. F-bombs, s-bombs, you name it and she spewed it.

Only problem is that she was within microphone range of the cameras and he caught wind of it, confronted her and then fired her, her agency and all her models in front of them.

That made me smile. She's a mean, vengeful, vindictive bitch who looks in her mirror and sees a goddess diva and behaves as such. People like that piss the hell out of me. Nice to see her get a little public come-uppance.

Also, The Bad Girls Club, the "reality" show about bad girls (translation: mostly just mean bitch girls) forced to live together, the show would improve substantially by getting rid of Aimee "The Schnoze". Another diva-wannabe with a huge chip on her shoulder, probably because she's far and away the least attractive one on the show. But the rest of the girls on the show are pretty damned fine. I liked it when the girl got really drunk and then started assaulting the others, that was good television.

I know, I know, I shouldn't watch a crap channel like Oxygen but its right next to FSN and Spike so I pass by it all the time and sometimes get sucked in.

Survivor Wrap

This'll be quick as we had an unscheduled very awake baby at 3 this morning and he didn't go back down until nearly 4. Tired? I sure am!

Anyway, last night's premiere was good. I like the twist of having them all work together to build a kickass shelter and camp and then throwing half of them out.

My early likes include: Yauman and Rocky.
Early dislikes include: Dreamz.

And, because in this day and age, even Fijian islanders will have blogs. Check out some insider info about the shoot, the Survivor Boomtown effect (warning, looooong entry). Here are some maps someone put together and then some Google hi-res satellite images to enjoy as well. I like having some maps to refer to although it looks like the Ravu tribe has a really, really long way to travel to get to tribal council which makes us wonder how they can safely navigate home afterwards, in the dark, on the ocean. Seems kind of incredibly dangerous to us.

Tags: survivor, Fiji, reality tv, premiere

Survivor Fiji Starts Tonight!

From what the reviewers have written, there won't be a huge number of people watching the premiere of Survivor: Fiji on CBS tomorrow evening.

But I will be and my wife will be. We like the show, we like the false "reality" of it, we like the challenges, we like the game. Last season was very entertaining and I hope this new mix of castaways will prove as entertaining too.

No Encore for Bravo's Top Chef

Warning, do not click this link or read this post if you do not want to know who won the second season of Top Chef.




Why? Because the Top Chef Finale Spoiled AGAIN by the winner giving an interview.

Is this because Bravo's a cable channel or something? I think I'm going to blame Tom Colicchio (the Simon Cowell judge on the show) since he annoys the hell out of me.

As for me, I'm glad the winner who won, won. The other guy was a total asshole with freakish hair and a real need to get kicked in the nuts a few times. Sure, he was a good chef and had some decent tricks. But being the best chef isn't about foams (oops, did that give it away), its about making great meals with anything.

My wishlist for the next season is to get rid of Tom Colicchio because he's an asshole. Maybe they should just clone Padma Lakshmi and be done with it. That's what this world needs, a Padma (note, some images are NSFW) in every living room. Oh yeah!

Anyway, how's about I wrap this up with a spoiler? Marcel doesn't win. Ilan does. Hahahaha. Sorry, that wasn't nice of me.

Tags: Top Chef, reality tv, Bravo, Padma Lakshmi, Tom Colicchio is an asshole