Experimenting on Animals

I've been doing some testing on my dog, trying to figure out a way to cut down on her rather nasty evening gas attacks. Nande sleeps on my side of the bed with her butt sort of aimed at me from the floor. She has, on numerous occasions, woken me up solely through her rectal emissions. And yes, you are right, that is rather disgusting. Its even worse when its happening to you.

So we've tried a few things to see about reducing her ability to stink me out of a deep sleep. The gas reduction tablets from Petsmart were a total waste, not only did they not work but she was supposed to eat three or more a day and the bottle held only like 30 or 60, I can't remember. The bottle also cost something like $8 and did nothing.

Somewhere along the way, Nande started needing a fish oil gel cap to help her deal with a dry skin issue. Which worked well on her skin but took her nasty farts and turned them up from a bad 8 to a pretty horrific 11. Very bad, very, very bad.

Then it dawned on me that her gas might improve if she wasn't getting a single large gut-buster meal in the evening. I started giving her a scoop of kibble for breakfast which meant she wasn't working so hard to digest the big meal. And, lo and behold, her gas has been reduced to levels that don't seem able to shake me from my dreams anymore! Its an REM miracle!

We've also taken to mixing in a scoop of yogurt with her dinner in the hopes that the live bacteria are helping to further reduce the gas.

So far, so good and the good part is that I'm not being woken up in the middle of the night with a nose full of stankass. And that's a very good thing indeed.

Another Genius Idea

Some days I'm just overflowing with good ideas. Yesterday I came up with a couple in the midst of some tricky tech repairs.

My latest idea for a small company is kind of gross but would be damned funny in action. The gist of it is to capture my dog's rather astonishingly awful flatulence in a ziplock baggy and mail it to someone you don't like. They get the package, open it and find a bag with nothing in it but when they open it, they get a face full of utterly nauseating canine ass gas.

How could that not be a winner?

Heck, I might just send a few gas bags out for fun. Operators are standing by to take your order. Who would you send a bag full of dog farts too?

Why yes, this is an odd post to come right after one about the presidential debates but that's just how I roll!