When Sorry Isn't Good Enough

Yes, I'm already biased against Alex Rodriguez, he plays for the Yankees after all. And he's been used to replace the now forcefully retired Barry Bonds as the face of steroids and drug use/abuse in Major League Baseball. He is, afterall, one of its stars and a story about him having lied in a national interview about using PEDs and then having to admit that he is a big fat liar, he did, in fact, cheat and use drugs to enhance his on-field performance (no word from Madonna if he's used drugs to enhance his on-hag performance yet).

But here's the thing, his apology, all softly lit to try and make him a more forgivable transgressor, his body language, his words all add up to a big fat nothing.

He wasn't contrite, he wasn't sorry for what he did, he was sorry for having gotten caught and for tainting every single record he's had thus far and every single record he may still break. He's sorry for tainting his chances at baseball immortality and he doesn't really come across as sorry so much as angry that he got caught and angry that he is being forced to apologize.

Do I feel bad for him being pushed out in front of the Steroid Witch Hunt 2.0? Nope. Nobody forced him to cheat, nobody forced him to take drugs for three years (at least that's what he's admitted to) and nobody forced him to air his false apology. Screw A-Tool, he's a plastic douchebag who isn't contrite in the least, he's more angry than sorry which means he's completely missed the point of apologizing for cheating.

SI's All-Scandal Baseball Team

A rare forward from my busy brother....(my comments in italics)

Baseball's All-Scandal Team featuring:

First base: Mark McGwire Mob informers are easier to find than Big Mac
Second base: Billy Martin
Shortstop: Miquel Tejada The only active player on the list
Third base: Wade Boggs
Catcher: Paul Lo Duca Lo Duca was news to me but it makes sense
Left field: Barry Bonds Even without the steroid taint, he's got more skeletons than a coroner
Center field: Ty Cobb Truly one of the nastiest and least sportsmanlike stars of all time
Right field: Darryl Strawberry Should have been named Sniffberry but they got the straw part right
Designated snitchhitter: Jose Canseco Self-absorbed bitter needle junkie with terrible hair and a penchant for turning on former friends and teammates
Pitcher: Roger Clemens The poster child for bluster, lies, obfuscation and, eventually, tearful admissions and then jailtime, I hope
Pitcher: Dwight Gooden Dr. Feelgood and Straw were like a coke sniffing baseball star duo, they strike out and hit home runs during the day and snort massive piles of Columbian flake
Pitcher: John Rocker Racism IS alive and well in major league sports
Bench: Albert Belle, Rafael Palmiero, Sammy Sosa, Mickey Mantle Palmiero is the poster child for stupidity and hypocrisy, Sosa's the poster child for post-steroid pump shrinkage (he turned into his little brother when he went off the juice) and Albert Belle's the poster child for 'roid rage
Manager: Pete Rose I believe Pete Rose has gotten a raw deal and should be in the Hall for his accomplishments as a player and its a joke he's being held out because of a personal vendetta
Owner: George Steinbrenner Owners should own, players should play, coaches should coach and the Steinbrenners should SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY!
Trainer: Brian McNamee I have no animosity towards McNamee except for that his injections helped the Yankees cheat and win more games than they had a right to. On second thought, burn him!

I skipped over some of the lessor known and not so contemporary players to focus on these fellas. I find it rather interesting that, of all of those listed above, one is still playing, Miquel Tejeda. The rest have gone into hiding or are scaring the shit out of local yokels on company teams (can you imagine facing John Rocker at the company picnic?).

It may not be actually true but it seems like the majority ran afoul of cocaine and hot chicks (or in Clemens' case, HGH and fugly country singers).

Who else should be on the list?
I'd say Ken Caminiti's one, Jeff Kent should get an honorable mention for being such an ornery liar (broke his wrist riding his motorcycle in contradiction to his contract and lied about it), Scott Boras (not a ball player but he's done as much more harm to the game than any other non-player by disvirtue of his contract negotiations and escalating salaries) and Bud Selig (complicit and profited from rampant steroid use as owner and commissioner). I'm sure there are plenty, plenty more that could be added here.

[Update: Big Joe read the post before I'd had a chance to amend it to remove Tony Gwynn from the list. I'd crossed my wires and was thinking about Kirby Puckett who got crazy after his retirement and might have been crazy during his playing days. Apologies to Padres fans and fans of Mr. Gwynn. My brain isn't quite up to full speed after last week's meltdown.]